By Nick Masaiti
‘96, I was born; ‘99 I was baptized
2006, I was already getting chastised
Sunday School lectured on sacramental manduction.
The body of Christ and how each organ would function
Introduced early to the concept of Hell
.The consequence of every little test I would fail
,Taught that the creeds of the Lord were so important
.That it was blasphemous to question his omnipotence
,By 2010, I had completed every chapter.
Two times over, but I have more questions than answers
On divinity, and infinity
and why the Trinity shied from visibility
I understood faith, I just asked for the signs
from the priests and the deacons who broke it down to a science
and told me that faith was a complicated topic.
That only got worsened by application of logic .
By 2022, I’d graduated from college
Twenty something years of life gathering knowledge.That all contradicted the idea of faith
Hard to wrap my head around everything I had learned.
From the two institutions that reigned over my compass
One answered questions, the other questioned the answers.
Is it God? Is it science?
Is it both? Where do I draw the line?
So I prayed to the Lord, I said open my eyes
I guess my prayer got answered, I started noticing lies
Mistruths and inaccuracies within the whole text.
And my preacher dad said I was missing the context
But it seemed neither he could explain
The erroneous details in any plausible terms
he told me my that my heart had become darker than bitumen
And questioning God had made me the devil’s instrument
Apparently, I was supposed to follow blindly.
So why did God open my eyes? I kept asking
At least there was comfort in the ignorance I had
and this new understanding only made me lose my head
and my friends, and a lover, and family who cautioned me
against uncertainty and expressing my honesty
.Which is ironic that they see me as an enemy I’m positive Christ would have probably befriended me
Was I brainwashed or did I know the wiser?
Would I really worship the god of my colonizer?
A god whose sacred writings endorsed slavery
A god who scorns questions and penalizes bravery
.
A god that would get a 13-year old pregnant
A god who would drown a billion to send a message
.Seemed so distant from everything that I stood for
,Like even if the god were real, what is he good for?
By 2022, I was pretty certain
That God is a construct and a political weapon
I said to my pastor, “I know it’s what the Bible told
but no way the world is six thousand years old”
I stated a thousand other falsehoods in the writings.
I showed him that it’s sexist, racist and divisive
He smiled at me and told me, “Look at the world
You honestly don’t believe that a miracle prevailed?”
I told him that I believed in miracles and God
And I’m wowed by everything; the physical and not...
I don’t shun the idea of intelligent design
I just don’t define the universe as divine I don’t buy an invisible man who lives above
But I believe in God, and I believe God is love
Heaven and Hell exist but it’s mental
and I agree with Paul that the body is the temple.
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